Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Making Sense of the Senseless

Where did March go?

I was hoping the past several weeks were just a dream, but no luck.  My husband's brain tumor still nibbles away at our family's foundation.  We started out trying to avoid the obnoxious bastard like little kids who believe something doesn't exist if they can't see it.  But no matter how tightly we shut our eyes and wish it away, the tumor pervades our daily activities like an itch we just can't scratch.  It's hard to make sense of the senseless.

There really is no way to justify what's happening so you just begin to make jokes. Laughter truly is the best medicine and only someone going through a life-threatening illness and his or her significant other can appreciate the absurdity of the whole process.

We laugh about a lot of things, most especially those folks who think we are suddenly experts on all things medical.  I'm OK with questions like,"Where is the tumor located?" or  "About how big is it?"  Those questions are fine.  But getting into detail such as is it in the left front or rear quadrant, proximity to the neurological nerve centers or molecular genetics of the tumor is a little too much to bear.  Nonessential information for a layperson.  There's a tumor.  In the brain.  End of story.

We laugh about playing the "brain tumor" card.  Annoying telemarketers who call selling anything from the newest gadget to swampland in Florida are met with, "I'm not interested.  My husband has a brain tumor."  The silence is deafening.  My husband used to pay the cable bill and when I called the cable company to request a lower rate a bit of hemming and hawing ensued until I said, "my husband used to pay this bill but I've taken over since his brain tumor diagnosis."  I got a significantly reduced rate with even more channels than I started with.  When I forgot to send an invoice to an out-of-state customer I blamed it on the brain tumor.

We laugh about all the potential "cures" for cancer.  Take a Turmeric supplement and your disease is will all but vanish!  Mix maple syrup with baking soda and watch the cancer disappear! Shark cartilage can slow or stop cancer growth!  Listen, I'm a big proponent of a healthy lifestyle equipped with proper nutrition and occasional supplements when necessary.  But, if shark innards really cured cancer we wouldn't be having this conversation.

We can't change the course of events over the past few months.  We can't even control the outcome.  But we can try to get through each day with some dignity and amusement.  In between radiation appointments, too many prescriptions to count and a general feeling of doom, my husband and I laugh. 

When it's no use trying to make sense of the senseless we set out to crack ourselves up instead.


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