Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Thanks For Reading But I'm All Done

I've so enjoyed writing in my little blog over the past few years. I have a plethora of stories about my kids and family that we will no doubt enjoy reading for years to come. I laugh when I think back to our trip to Greenfield Village when Nicholas learned a powerful lesson about boasting. I vividly remember little Christopher's 3-year-old oath. He was such a funny little boy. Update: he's an even funnier 9-year-old. I am reminded of our limitless capabilities when I reread A Boy and His Shovel.

But, our lives have changed in drastic ways. My kids and I are still reeling from my husband's death. It's a tough road and we are navigating new and unexpected territory daily, but we are navigating nonetheless. We keep moving forward even though some days we don't know how we managed to move at all.

I like to think of this blog as my Pre-Widow days. Days when I was a stay-at-home mom, wife and Camp Mom organizer. I will treasure those days, and every single one of these stories, forever.  Now I'm forging a new path in my Post-Widow days. I'm a working mom. I'm no longer a wife. And our summer schedule is haphazard at best.

My boys and I are doing OK. Really, we are. But I've neglected this blog long enough over the past year to know when it's time to call it quits. I've enjoyed writing and I hope you've enjoyed reading, but it's time for me to move on to new endeavors.

Thanks for spending your time with me.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

I'm a Widow - Now What?

My husband died last month after his year-long brain tumor battle. In the course of one year I went from a happily married wife to a widow. Just like that. I'm a widow.

Now what?

We knew my husband wouldn't survive his brain tumor because no cure exists, but we hoped and prayed for more time. We just wanted more time. Last year was a blur of doctor visits, prescription medications, radiation and chemotherapy appointments, MRIs, hospital admissions, insurance claim phone calls, and a host of other illness-related tasks.

Last year I had to learn how to care for a husband with a terminal illness. This year I have to learn how to live without him. Last year I had to tell my children their father was going to die. This year I have to remind them he's not coming back. Last year we learned how to adapt to a constantly changing schedule. This year the stillness is unsettling.

My kids and I are learning how to cope with our "new normal." It's a daily challenge to figure out how fill the huge, gaping void in our lives. It's also a daily challenge to figure out how to navigate widowhood. Do I still wear my wedding ring? Do I fill out forms as Mrs. or Ms.? Do I keep my wedding photos on display? For how long?

At times like this, I continually recite the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change that I'm a widow. Now I'm praying for the serenity to accept it. 


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